so long, gambling
December 30, 2007 / 12:41 a.m.
No more fucking gambling for me, this is completely insane.
Right now it's by far the most exciting thing in my life, and man that's pathetic.
I'm gonna take whatever meager winnings i have from tomorrow's games that i've already wagered on, pay my credit card bill with it, and move the fuck on and never look back.
I need to be doing more productive things with my life. Like seeing friends, writing, cooking, reading all sorts of great novels and essay compilations, learning to play the bamboo flute i got for christmas, exercising, quitting smoking, getting off the anti-depressants, meditating...etc.
In a way tonight was probably a blessing in disguise, blowing that much money in that short a time span... and doing it in such a stupid way, and when i'm so broke, and when i need every dime i can get my hands on to get my own place.
I mean, I was completely fucking on another cracked out planet, getting so high from that money I was winning, then losing, chasing my bets, fumbling with my credit card while my hands were shaking, bleary eyed looking into the screen, not even bothering to drink or take a deep breath.
This is, in other words, the last day of my little short, sad foray into the fucking cesspool of gambling... and I hope never to revisit it.